04.25.24 - one year.

04.25.24 -

today marked the one year anniversary of managing to not die in a car accident and scaring everyone in the process.

a lacerated spleen, one concussion, on C2 fracture, seven unstable pelvic breaks, three scars, and five titanium screws later, the world still spins and i am (slowly) learning to adjust and find contentment with my new “normal.”

most days, it feels like i’m going through the motions and movements alone, despite being surrounded by supportive loved ones. the memories of how my body felt pre-accident are fuzzier now, which has made things easier. but there are times when i’m in the middle of something ordinary - a concert, a walk, driving down the road or sitting at my desk - and pain uninvitedly invades the day-to-day. i’m profoundly reminded that i feel haunted and robbed. trying to find myself again, but no longer knowing what that looks like is frustrating. mornings fret and evenings sigh. it’s hard to live in a body you’re still mourning the death of and i struggle to picture what life will look like past the age of 33.

that being said, i try to remain grateful (and hopeful). i continue to attempt to focus on good things: being able to go on afternoon walks, thrift stores, collages, discovering old rolls of film, vip tickets for favorite bands, an unused walker, good cortados, friends, old kewpie dolls.